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“All that man needs for health and healing has been provided by God in nature;
the challenge of science is to find it.”
(Paracelsus: 1493-1541)

I Am Mother To My Daughter, And Daughter To My Mum by Audrey Steele, L.Ac.

5/10/2015

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“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life” – Abraham Lincoln
Mother’s Day is the one day we set aside to recognize Mothers, but I would ask that moving forward, we take a moment every day to bless & honor all those who are called to “mother” (verb).  Virtually anyone can become a biological Mother, but giving birth alone doesn’t constitute motherhood.  And so on this Mother’s Day, I’d like to pay tribute to all those who’ve ever been placed in the role of “Mother” (noun).  This includes the single dads, adoptive parents, surrogates, latch-key siblings who take care of each other, and children who now are caring for their elderly or incapacitated parent(s). And I honor and respect those who chose not to become a parent for whatever reason.  It is not an easy task, comes with a lot of responsibilities, and doesn’t stop once the kids are grown and gone.  Once a Mother, always a Mother.  I think back on the (few) times I tried to counterpoint my Mum; her response:  “If you live to be 95 and I live to be 100 and plenty, you are still my daughter”.   I chuckle at that now, but I am indebted to my Mother for her unconditional and lasting love for all her kids.   Her prayers are what keep us safe.  A Mother fosters independence in her children, not codependence - much like a mother birds teaches her babies how to fly.  The bonds are everlasting, regardless of how the relationship plays out.  Even the role made famous by Joan Crawford as a mother still has relevance and unfortunately rings true for some. 

Growing up in the Caribbean:
I can’t think about Mother’s Day without thinking of all the powerful women in my family and the community in which I was raised.  I grew up in Jamaica surrounded by my Great-Grandmother and a circle of powerful, spiritual women.  The example they (and pretty much all of the women I came across) set for me was that women were strong – not only for their family but for those who were less fortunate.  When one was unable to feed or care for their kids, the other mothers fed & cared for them as if they were their own.  They say it takes a village to raise a child and I can attest to this fact.  This includes discipline too, by the way, so I got whooped by the neighbors for some mischief or another & then I went home & got whooped again by my parents.  I learned that there wasn’t really a set “role” for a Mother.  Mothers did what they had to do to keep the home afloat.  They worked in the fields alongside men doing hard labor; they worked in whatever job they could; they worked at home, they went off to work, & they came back home to work. What was drilled into us was that as a Mother, you did whatever it took to take care of your family.  Mothers pushed for education & having a career so that you could have a better life than they did.  That was over 50 years ago and it is still the value they continue to instill in us.  The types of jobs may have changed over the years, but every Mother wants to see the next generation prosper, be healthy & happy.  They also called on their spiritual background to help them through rough times, and so religion & spirituality became the foundation of every family.  This is pretty much a common theme throughout the Caribbean.  The advent of television, cell phones, internet, social media, and the tourism industry caused a shift away from the traditional values so now we see the same social ills & challenges as other parts of the world.


Trends Affecting Motherhood:
We are seeing a growing trend towards women postponing motherhood until later in years.  This creates its own set of health challenges & psycho-emotional conflict.  As an acupuncturist, I’ve been privileged to work with women who come to me for help from Chinese Medicine to address fertility issues.  100% of the time, these women are successful in their professional lives; they’re executives, top in the field of sales & industry, they drive the best cars, live in gorgeous homes with landscaped yards; they are Cross-Fit Queens and Digital Divas, and by exterior appearances they are successful & the envy of their friends.  Yet these women will break your heart when you talk to them because they see themselves as complete failure because they cannot get pregnant.  Why is this?  Because for whatever reason, motherhood STILL remains a necessity, is STILL desirable and a marker by which many women define themselves. In my travels, it is a mindset that still permeates many cultures – that of how to be a good wife & mother, whatever that definition is for each. 

Women make up more than half the labor industry, and fulltime work is a financial necessity for many. Yet we still have the challenges of equal pay for equal work, adequate childcare, and we’re even missing out on the respect and bonding that’s seen in male-dominated careers that’s so important to our survival in the workforce.   Many kids are either home alone as Mothers work long hours, or left with inadequate and uncompassionate caregivers often resulting in very sad endings.   This has also created another trend – We’re seeing in the 21st century, women with graduate and professional degrees who are now choosing to stay home to be full-time moms, and many have also created home-based businesses or are home-schooling their kids.  Really, the traditional role of women as Mothers hasn’t really disappeared, but instead it’s been reinvented to fit the needs of today’s modern families. 

So what does this mean for us moving forward through the 21st Century?
Mothers of the 21st century have to be not only EVOLUTIONARY but REVOLUTIONARY.  What does this mean?
* Evolutionary:   It means as Mothers, we can’t stay stuck in the old ways of how we grew up, what ceiling or box we perceived held us back from our fullest potential.  We have to evolve with the changing times.  This is a generation of advanced technology and for our children to grow up and have kids of their own, they will need to have survival skills, education and preparation as well as the social skills necessary to live in our rapidly changing world.


* Revolutionary:  We now have role models for Mothers women like Michelle Obama & Hilary Clinton.  These are women who raise their children, have political careers, and advocate for social justice and health care reform.  We have role model for moms women like Jennifer Lopez, Angelina Jolie & Beyoncé who (love ‘em or hate ‘em) make motherhood look easy & fun & glamorous and doesn’t leave a mark on their physical bodies. We see women being objectified through the media and in the music industry, and more and more it’s affecting our younger girls.

As 21st century mothers, we have to bring forth the next generation, and not stop there – we must then take it 1 step further:  prepare that generation, and the next, for the rapid phase of continued growth through and beyond the 21st century.  We have to nurture them, protect them, and instill in them the basic values of care for our fellow man, because Maslow’s hierarchy of needs says that we are more alike than we are different.   We have to prepare our children to be in this world but not of it.  We have to find a balance between the head and the heart – competent to survive in this ever changing world, yet compassionate enough to see the Divine in all.  More importantly, our work has to be done on a global level. 


It has been said that “The two most important things we can offer our children are roots to grow and wings to fly” (author unknown).  This is the toughest task for a mother, but it can be done.  I think of my very own daughter, Jessica - my biggest accomplishment and the one that I am most proud of.    I am grateful she chose me to be her Mother; I have learnt so much from her and she has made me a better person by her unconditional love, her big heart and generous spirit, and for  holding me accountable to the principles I harped on when I was raising her.  I am Mother to my daughter, but I am also the daughter of my Mum.  For both, I am eternally grateful.  I leave you with the beautiful melody of Boyz2Men - in tribute to Mothers everywhere: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tap90z44WR8
Love, Light and Radiant blessings;
Audrey Steele, L.Ac.
www.Acupuncture4YourHealth.com



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The Antidote to Dying is Living by Audrey Steele, Acupuncture Physician

3/5/2015

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This month happens to be my Great-Granny’s birthday (3/3 – you know I love numbers) so I honor the memory of her & the role she played in my formative years (Happy b -Earthday, Daisy-Maude!).  She was a pillar of strength, both in size and wisdom; not loud but fiercely protective, VERY spiritual, and definitely a force to be reckoned with.  She was the rooted oak, stately and proud, unwavering in her faith; our Rock, and yet heart as big as a mountain with love for all.  She taught me the gift of faith, family and forgiveness; she taught me to always be polite, and to acknowledge & respect everyone who crossed our path (Hebrews 13:2 – “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares”).  She was compassionate and considerate and generous to a fault.  No one came to visit us who didn’t leave with a full tummy and a gift to go – “gift” having come from the earth: a bunch of thyme in a little wrinkled brown paper bag, a couple mangos, maybe a cup of dried pimento berries, and they definitely got prayers to go as she was a staunch Pentecostal.  One of my fondest  memories was going to the market with her on any given day, and as she stopped to talk to the various people we met while shopping, it never failed that she could trace back their family history and before you knew it, we were talking like long lost family members who had been reunited.  She was a true Griot-Jali.  When she passed, my loss was great, but I can still count on her to be my strength in times of need.  She comes to me now in random reflections, the traditional smells of my homeland, the melody of a hymn during my walks in nature, and she always visits me in my Dreamstate.    On my last trip to Jamaica, I visited her gravesite to say hello.  The place was not as I had remembered it as it was so many years ago, yet it was comforting to know that there is a place of rest at the end of the road.  My cousins who had accompanied me stayed back, partly to respect my privacy but also because the newer generation didn’t see the cemetery as a place to ‘hang out’.

I’ve always had a fascination with cemeteries – not in a morbid way, but they always seemed very peaceful to me – nothing to do but think and pray I guess?  You certainly couldn’t get any more quiet than that.  In my mind, it’s a place where you could go to reconnect with those who had gone on before.  It almost seems like I would be closer to them there than if I just stared at the stars or sat on the porch and talked to them like I usually do when I need guidance.  Wandering around a cemetery, reading the tombstones, I am amazed at the stories they tell.  Seems who you were when you were living doesn’t get forgotten just because you’re 6 feet deep, as evidenced by the epitaphs that immortalized and honored their memory on their tombstones.  You could tell the ones who had a biting, dry sense of humor versus the ones who were gentile and subtle.  Stories of heroism and grief were buffered with the promise of eternal peace and rest.  Back in the 90s, I vacationed in several European countries & took pictures of cemeteries during my travels.  On my last visit to Europe, my dear friend & traveling partner lost my camera & all my cherished photos, many of which had the most beautiful shots of ornate cemeteries, historic writings and pervasive peace.   

I recently moved to a different part of town, and lately I’ve been out and about exploring my new neighborhood and the surrounding community,  discovering new “weeds” for our ‘Garden of Weedn’  blog.   The picture above is from a small cemetery “built” back in 1870 that sits right smack dab in the middle of a bifurcated street in the middle of our neighborhood. I was struck by how small and quaint it was in size and character, but albeit an important one, as many of the surrounding streets are named after the family that’s buried there.  “Dead End”…“One Way”….  the signs say.  The irony and the humor of this lies in the truth of it all.  Life is just ‘one way’, but it doesn’t have to be a dead end.  On the days that I work as an ICU nurse, I get to stare life - and death - between the eyes almost every shift I work.  It is interesting to see how people handle both.  There are those who struggle and fight to live, just as there are those who give up too soon just because of a label and a symptom.  Age is irrelevant.  Quality trumps quantity of life.  I have no fear of death at this point in my life.  I have seen too much.  I live my life without excuses or regrets, and frequently with an exclamation sign.  How fitting that as I progress through these days of Lent, that I should stumble upon this gem of a cemetery in my little neighborhood  –  a reminder not of the pain of Crucifixion, but the joys of Resurrection.  We’ve all been through a lot – from the pain of physical trauma, to the unspoken and hidden sufferings of our  emotional, mental and spiritual bodies.  We can learn from our experiences but we should never allow them to define or limit us.  The antidote to dying, dear Friends, is living.  May this holy season of Spring/Easter/Pesach renew your hope and faith that “life” is everlasting.
Audrey Steele, L.Ac.
www.Acupuncture4YourHealth.com

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” (Hunter S. Thompson)

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    Audrey Steele, L.Ac. 
    Licensed Acupuncture Physician

    Certified Healing Touch Practitioner, Mayan/Usui Reiki Master, Beyond Surgery Coaching Practitioner, Acupuncture Physician - NCCAOM Board Certified in Oriental Medicine (Acupuncture, Asian Bodywork Therapy & Chinese Herbology) & licensed in the state of Florida.

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